it hurts

(for those of you who read the following post, please know it is not a cry for sympathy (not that that's bad) my heart was just too full to hold all this in and I have nowhere else for all this energy to go (well no where good anyway) this is just my way of dealing with this, please try not to take my pain personally. I will be ok, I will rely on God like I know I have to. life will go on! Thanks:)


That's all I can say. it hurts and hurts and hurts. Oh my aching heart what am I going to do with you? 
what will I do without Hannah around to cheer me up, to talk to me, to take the pressure off when Ava's too much- 

who will i laugh with, share with, argue with, eat with, watch movies with. who will i borrow makeup from, who will backcomb my hair and lend me cool clothes:)  

who will know when I cry, when I breakdown, when I get too angry, when I'm so lonely I can't eat, when i'm so lonely I can't stop eating! Who will push me to get up and workout, who will know if my house is messy or clean, or when I've completed some new organizing project:)  

who will appreciate my kiddos with me, laugh at Ava's quirks, understand how difficult she can be,Who else will dance with Ava whenever she asks. Who will take her to the gym- who will take her out for coffee, including her like she's just one of the girls (her favorite Hannah outing) who will help me discipline my strong-willed two year old when I don't trust myself to do so anymore. 

Who will listen to my songs, who will hear daily  how much I love my ukulele, how much I miss my husband- Who will I tell my fears and concerns to? 

the answer? There really is no one who can take the place of a sister- or rather my sister. She is electric, magnetic, energetic- a bubbly flow of love and excitement. We will miss you so much dear one. Thank you for taking three months out of your life to come share ours- I will treasure this time forever. We shared such joy and love, i have so much to be thankful for-

This time will live in my memory as a precious gift from God because he knew I needed you. Love you, thanks for everything:)